did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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