I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
