My friends, they love my intelligence
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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