i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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