We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
