Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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