We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
