Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
