Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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