Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I have post one night stand depression
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
