if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
