He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
