You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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