Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
