I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
