it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
