i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
