Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
