weddingsv make me drug and hornr
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had sex on a roof
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are the jesus of drinking
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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