The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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