the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
