I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
