Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
