Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
