I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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