She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
