CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize