Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
