I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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