Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
