I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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