halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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