Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I fill condoms, not promises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
