We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
