I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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