What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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