my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
