I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
