So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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