I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
