your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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