I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
