: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
