she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
