Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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