i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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