no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
