I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
