me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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