all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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