ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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