Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
