please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i dont even know how to be here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
