I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
