You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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