life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
