Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
