Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
