you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
