I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
