Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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