THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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