hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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