from now on my penis is your penis
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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