So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
