Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
